Work from Ophelia InFimbria

A new member of the writing forum is nervous that the admired novelist will regret inviting her to join.

This little fear of rejection began twenty-three years and two months ago, a day she will remember throughout her lifetime as the day of the evening she met him, a young man reserved and handsome in the way she liked: he, a promising writer and scholar.

The young woman wrote a poem inspired by her love for the young man.

Proudly holding the note close to her heart, she walked into his room. The young woman carefully placed it in the middle of the desk, knowing that he would see the soft ivory stationary atop the dark oak. Anticipating his arrival and so pleased in knowing she created something beautiful to give to him.

He slowly opened the door to the room, nodding to the young woman the same way he had the first time they met and handsome in the way she liked.

She observed Him reading each verse and then watching his hand reaching for a red pen, the ink blanketing the words, the delicate paper, the poem shredded, ruined by the paler in a heavy hand.

Recalling the criticism of the person she most trusted opened the old wounds to the present day paused for a moment. Twenty-three years and two months before her reading the excerpt from the novel “I’m In The Room”, by the forum novelist and meeting the main character Allen.

Allen is a young man from a small town making big plans for the next chapter of his life as a college student. Allen is introduced to the reader as the all-American boy longing for acceptance and on par with protagonists’ 20th-century American literature. We see Allen as our son, our nephew, our kin.

Allen, the pedigree unique to 20th-century American writing as the prized sporting breed taking first place in the arena; stylized as the signature brand unique to American Literature, oversized and abundantly good for the heart and soul enriched with an understanding of the collective human experience of yearning for approval . An ever-present optimistic view of love, family, success, and winning.

The main character Allen has a sensibility true to the standard. . The published author creates Allen in line with the fine tradition and reverence of the past.

I wrote this today feeling the warmth and the burn of an old flame.

Instructor Response

A new member of the writing forum is nervous that the admired novelist will regret inviting her to join.

This little fear of rejection began twenty-three years and two months ago, a day she will remember throughout her lifetime as the day of the evening she met him, a young man reserved and handsome in the way she liked: he, a promising writer and scholar.

The young woman wrote a poem inspired by her love for the young man.

Proudly holding the note close to her heart, she walked into his room. The young woman carefully placed it in the middle of the desk, knowing that he would see the soft ivory stationary atop the dark oak. Anticipating his arrival and so pleased in knowing she created something beautiful to give to him.

He slowly opened the door to the room, nodding to the young woman the same way he had the first time they met and handsome in the way she liked.

She observed Him reading each verse and then watching his hand reaching for a red pen, the ink blanketing the words, the delicate paper, the poem shredded, ruined by the paler in a heavy hand.

Recalling the criticism of the person she most trusted opened the old wounds to the present day paused for a moment. Twenty-three years and two months before her reading the excerpt from the novel “I’m In The Room”, by the forum novelist and meeting the main character Allen.

Allen is a young man from a small town making big plans for the next chapter of his life as a college student. Allen is introduced to the reader as the all-American boy longing for acceptance and on par with protagonists’ 20th-century American literature. We see Allen as our son, our nephew, our kin.

Allen, the pedigree unique to 20th-century American writing as the prized sporting breed taking first place in the arena; stylized as the signature brand unique to American Literature, oversized and abundantly good for the heart and soul enriched with an understanding of the collective human experience of yearning for approval . An ever-present optimistic view of love, family, success, and winning.

The main character Allen has a sensibility true to the standard. . The published author creates Allen in line with the fine tradition and reverence of the past.

I wrote this today feeling the warmth and the burn of an old flame.

RESPONSE

Well done. No critique necessary or appropriate. You have your own unique style and presentation. And you have achieved what I believe you wanted to achieve, telling your story in your own way.

For what it’s worth, I had difficulty in following the story line and wasn’t sure about the purpose of the story, what idea or emotions you wanted me to take away from the reading. Overall, was confused about the emotional timeline of the action and the change from in scene to narrative, primarily descriptive, writing. It’s all stylistic, and justifiable, so just take my reactions as one reader’s “take away.”

You certainly have a gift. All the best in your writing career.
Thanks for contributing,
WHC

2 thoughts on “Work from Ophelia InFimbria”

  1. Thank you for the critique. You are certainly right about the flow of the writing as well as the disconnect from narrative to the pow wow of my take on the protagonist, 20th century American Literature.

    I sent the sample to you because I am blocked and cannot think of a way for a smooth transition to pull the sample/piece to my liking as asked by the writing prompt.

    I am applying for my MA and or MFA, and I a received 100% from whom ever in the English department. I should be happy but I can do better.

    Reply
  2. Fiction is make-believe, invented stories. They may be short stories, fables, vignettes, plays, novellas, or novels. Although writers may base a character on people they have met in real life, the characters and the experiences that the character faces in the story are not real.

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Ophelia Cancel reply