Instructor Response

1. Emma’s point of view.

It was about this time, that is to say, the beginning of winter, that I seized the moment with great musical fervour.

One evening when Charles was listening to me, I began to play the piece over four times, each time with much vexation, while he, not noticing the difference, cried-

“Bravo! Very good! You are wrong to stop. Go on!”

“Oh, no; it is execrable! My fingers are quite rusty.”

The next day he begged me to play something for him again. This could be improved by avoiding the pronoun.

The next day Charles begged me to play something for him again.

“Very well; to please you!”

And Charles confessed to me that I’d gone off. I played all the wrong notes and blundered; then, stopped short-

“Ah! It’s no use. I ought to take some lessons; but-” I bit my lip and added, “Twenty francs a lesson, that’s too dear!”

“Yes, so it is-rather,” said Charles, giggling stupidly. “But it seems to me that one might be able to do it for less; for there are artists of no reputation, and who are often better than the celebrities.”

“Find them!” I demanded.

The next day when he came home he looked at me shyly, and at last could no longer keep back the words.Emma can’t know this. Use: and he said,

“How obstinate you are sometimes! I went to Barfucheres today. Well, Madame Liegard assured me that her three young ladies who are at La Misericorde have lessons at fifty sous apiece, and that from an excellent mistress!”

I shrugged my shoulders and did not open the piano again. But when I passed by it (if Bovary were there), I sighed-

“Ah! my poor piano!”

And when anyone came to see me, I did not fail to inform them that Id given up music, and could not begin again now for important reasons. Then people commiserated me-

“What a pity! she had so much talent!”

They even spoke to Bovary about it. They put him to shame, and especially the chemist.

This isn’t possible. Maybe: I heard them speak to my husband, and he seemed ashamed when the chemist said:

“You are wrong. One should never let any of the faculties of nature lie fallow. Besides, just think, my good friend, that by inducing madame to study; you are economizing on the subsequent musical education of your child. For your own part, I think that mothers ought themselves to instruct their children. That is in idea of Rousseau’s, still rather new perhaps, but that will end by triumphing, I am certain of it, like mothers nursing their own children and vaccination.”

So Charles returned one more to this question of the piano. I replied bitterly that it would be better to sell. This poor piano had given me so much satisfaction-to see it go was to Bovary like the indefinable suicide of myself. This sentence would need to be changed to make sense. This is the original: This poor piano that had given her vanity so much satisfaction–to see it go was to Bovary like the indefinable suicide of a part of herself.

Notice how just changing the pronouns destroys clarity and sense of sentence? To try to maintain effectiveness of sentence, you might try restructuring. She could not be aware of Charles’s reaction might be, but she could speculate.

To see that poor piano go that had given me so much satisfaction might make Bovary see it as my indefinable suicide.

See how this restructuring is awkward and how much the agency of the sentence is changed (from Bovary to Emma), which changes meaning and effect.

I’ve highlighted other sentences that need the same consideration, that is, the change produces a different effect. And that is one of the lessons of what changes in point of view mean.

“If you liked,” he said, “a lesson from time to time, that wouldn’t after all be very ruinous.”

“But lessons,” I replied briskly, “are only of use when followed up.”

And thus I was set on obtaining my own husband’s permission to visit my lover in town once a week. At the end of the month, I was even considered to have [made] considerable progress.

And thus is how I obtained permission to visit my lover in town once a week. And many people in town said I had made considerable progress.

See how the irony is changed? More effective or less. It’s a judgment call. Personally, I think it is less effective.

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2.Charles point of view.

It was about this time, the beginning of winter, Emma had seemed seized with great musical fervour.

One evening when I was listening to her, she played the same piece four times, each with much vexation, while I, not noticing any difference, cried-

“Bravo! Very good! You are wrong to stop. Go on!”

“Oh, no; it is execrable! My fingers are quite rusty.”

The next day I begged her to play something for me again.    No error here, I just want to point out that for me, this sentence is stronger in 3rd person.

Very well; to please you!”

And I confessed to her she’d gone off a little. She played wrong
notes and blundered; then, stopped short–

“Ah! it is no use. I ought to take some lessons; but–” She bit her lips
and added, “Twenty francs a lesson, that’s too dear!”

“But,” I said, “It seems to me that one might be able to do it for less;
for there are artists of no reputation, and who are often better than the celebrities.”

“Find them!” Emma demanded.

The next day when I returned home I looked at her shyly, and at last could no longer keep back the words.

“How obstinate you are sometimes! I went to Barfucheres today. Well, Madame Liegard assured me that her three young ladies who are at La Misericorde have lessons
at fifty sous apiece, and that from an excellent mistress!”

She shrugged her shoulders and did not open her piano again. But when she passed by it (if Bovary were there), she sighed–

“Ah! my poor piano!”

And when anyone came to see her, she did not fail to inform them she had given up music, and could not begin again now for important reasons. Then people commiserated her–

“What a pity! she had so much talent!”

They even spoke to Bovary about it. They put him to shame, and especially the chemist.This is not Charles’s point of view. Use:

The chemist spoke to me about it:

“You are wrong. One should never let any of the faculties of nature lie fallow.
Besides, just think, my good friend, that by inducing madame to study; you are economizing on the subsequent musical education of your child. For my own part, I think that mothers ought themselves to instruct their children. That is an idea of Rousseau’s, still rather new perhaps, but that will end by triumphing, I am certain of it, like mothers nursing their own children and vaccination.”

So I returned to this question of the piano once more. Emma replied bitterly that it would be better to sell it. That piano had given her much vanity and satisfaction.

“But if you liked,” I told her, “a lesson from time to time, that wouldn’t after all be very ruinous.”

“But lessons,” she replied, “are only of use when followed up.”

And thus she was set on obtaining permission from me to go to town once a week for piano lessons. At the end of the month, I considered that she had made notable progress.

At the end of the month, I noticed she had made notable improvement.

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Summary

The purpose of this exercise is to learn how using different points of view often changes meaning and effect of the prose content and dialogue. To choose a point of view, it is helpful to know what the advantages and disadvantages of points of view are.

https://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/essays-on-writing/1st-person-pov-in-literary-story

https://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/essays-on-writing/narration-literary-stories/

Additional work: you might take a chapter from a novel you particularly like. Rewrite the chapter in different points of view. Then make judgements as to what point of view you think does the most for prose effectiveness. And as you rewrite, be sure to make dialogue segments unique to characters (not the narrator).

And thanks for the submission. I appreciate your work.