There were so many winding curves as I drove in the blazingly bright orange sunlit glare of the everlasting road that I was utterly exhausted by the endless ordeal and thought I might faint if given half the chance.

Instructor Response

In this sentence, you might look to succinctness. Not only in the adjectives and adverbs, but also in finding what is important and the thinking to the subject, verb, object structure.

There were so many winding curves as I drove in the blazingly bright orange sunlit glare of the everlasting road that I was utterly exhausted by the endless ordeal and thought I might faint if given half the chance.

The important elements of the sentence are: exhausted by long drive, curvy road, about to faint. Here is a possible revision:

The winding road and the relentless glare from the sun on the never-ending road exhausted me and I thought I would faint.

Everlasting doesn’t work well with a road. Maybe never-ending? I think to mention the road helps orient the scene. Note the adjectives and adverbs, many didn’t seem necessary to imagery or understanding the situation were deleted. As you work on revision, your sense of style may want you to insert some of them. But there are too many as is now.

Good work. Keep practicing. And keep analyzing sentences of writers you admire.

Thanks for your submission!
WHC

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