Instructor Response

Assignment# 9

Plotting a beginning, middle, and ending

Scenario #1

The newly-ordained minister, a candidate for pastor at First Church, the evangelical church his grandfather founded, prepared two sermons for the Sunday service. Members of the selection committee in attendance were prepared to vote after the service on his suitability as their new pastor.

First Church had embraced New Age religion.

 The first sermon written by the fledgling minister admonished the congregation to “Follow Jesus” and return to true Biblical precepts; the second sermon urged believers to “Seek the Self”.

The ministerial candidate though about the affluent congregation and made his choice.

Regret and remorse at his decision tore the minister’s soul. He drank secretly, used illicit drugs, and years later, was found face-down in the snow behind the tavern he secretly frequented.

Good! I suggest we know the choice, so we need to understand “regret and remorse.” Consider this withheld information revealed. It would keep story momentum moving. Not having it present doesn’t satisfy the nice tension you have from the beginning.

Scenario #2

“Too fundamental.” The Senior Deacon at First Church warned members of the ministerial selection committee against considering the candidacy of the grandson of the church’s founder.

The First Church eschewed traditional Biblical views of sacrifice and sin and salvation; the new message–feeling good–increased membership and filled the coffers. The selection committee deliberated. [In these two sentences you have a lot of information, some of which may not relate to your goals for an effective paragraph. Let’s say you want the reader to know about the ministerial committee meeting to make a decision to whether to hire Gabriel, Deacon’s son. The biblical views are not important.  You’re setting up a conflict. What will the committee do? And you’re introducing Deacon. Is the Deacon the one the committee is deliberating over? We need to know who and what about Deacon, so that when he makes the decision, it has weight. So you might come up with: Deacon, the major donor to the First Church, awaited the convening of the mistrial committee to vote on his minister friend to be hired. Or maybe the committee is discussing Deacon? Not clear.]

The Deacon awaiting the ministerial selection committee to convene  Deacon threw his cigar into the gutter outside the church. A man in ragged clothes he’d often seen standing snatched the cigar and ran.

The Deacon was not a kind man, but he remembered the candidate-minister’s words.usually ignore the destitute man; but the minister’s words echoed: “What would Jesus do about the poor and needy?”

What had the church been doing done?  The Deacon walked into the committee room prepared to vote “yes” on the minister’s candidacy.

Nice version. Think about POV, in-scene delivery, and rather “prepare” to actually make him present his choice. “How do you vote, Deacon?” “I vote yes.” OR maybe, “after sleepless consideration, I vote . . . yes!”

The idea of my comments is to prioritize information, and then think about it on a time line so it follows logically with the progression of the story.

Scenario #3

The sermon delivered by the candidate for the position of minister  wasn’t the usual “feel-good” rhetoric the young woman was accustomed to hearing from the pulpit of First Church. She walked to the bus stop clutching her purse. It held a crumpled hundred-dollar bill—all she had until payday in two weeks.

I should have dropped the  bill into the colletion plate, the woman thought. The minister had preached self-sacrifice, caring for the poor and needy. “Follow Jesus,” he had exhorted [this may be too judgmental and too strong]. But I need the money. [This is internalized but is telling, and would be more effective if shown in scene.] The soles of her shoes were worn, she was down to her last can of tomato soup, and the rent was over-due. [This should be told earlier to prepare for the action and her conflict. And then follow it with her memory of the preacher’s message on self-sacrifice before you then go on to your great conclusion.]

She passed a down-and-out individual holding a sign. “I’m hungry” was written on it.   

The woman opened her purse. He’s more needy than I, she thought.

Summary.

This exercise has two purposes. 1) To show that a core summary of what happens can really help story creation. It helps organize the progression of events to ensure mystery and suspense about the conclusion. But it can also help to identify what happens in the scene and how it would be best presented: narrative description, in scene, exposition (backstory). 2) To begin to think about what should be in scene and what is better narrated. For example, “her shoes were worn” is telling. I’m not suggesting it, but let me show you how this might be done with in-scene construction–and necessarily reverted to backstory that the telling indicates.  The woman kicked off her shoe, disgusted with the hole in the sole, crossed her leg over her knee, and rubbed the throbbing foot. Blood smeared her fingers.  Narrative telling requires fewer words; it usually is an abstraction, but, if indicated, in-scene construction may be more effective than telling.

Here are references that can help you understand:

https://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/essays-on-writing/preparing-to-write-the-great-literary-story/

https://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/essays-on-writing/writing-in-scene/

Cathryn, your progress is amazing. Enjoy seeing you improve so significantly.

Thanks for the submission.

WHC

Instructor Response

Nice work. You have skillfully incorporated human feelings—desires and motivations—in a plot that advances, and you’ve done it succinctly. This has demonstrated how valuable thinking about character-driven stories can energize stories and augment story meaning. Your skill allows you now to build on the characterization and add complexity to the plot to create and engaging and purposeful story for readers. I’ve pointed out where I found things cranking along so that you can gauge the effects of your writing. Thanks for submitting. WHC

Assignment 9: Practice making up literary stories

(1)

Annelise had not eaten that day.  (Desire—food)  That slice of bread would be her meal until she could find a job.  (Barrier—no job)

She felt lightheaded. She sat on a bench and pigeon-watched.

One pigeon caught her eye. It wobbled. When passers-by threw food at the pigeons, Wobbly could never get any, for it was too slow-moving.  (Sympathy—nicely done. And embedded “pigeon-based” plotting with pigeon hunger and too-slow-moving complication. Great!)

Annelise took out her bread slice and threw pieces in Wobbly’s direction.  (Nice! Motivation from feelings of kindness with sympathy for hungry pigeon. A self-sacrifice that provides a really clear purpose for the story.)  Wobbly caught those. Annelise had never felt more sated.  (What a nice reversal and conclusion, the idea that Annelise’s hunger was satisfied by her act of kindness. Well done.)

(2)

Annelise had not eaten that day. In her purse was a slice of bread, and this was going to be her meal until she found work.  (Desire: hunger. Basic needs: food, find work. Character-based plotting!)

She carried a cardboard sign: Will work for food.  (Motivated to action. Good.)

A man offered to feed her if she’d yell fire inside a theater. She hesitated. It did not seem right, except from her empty stomach’s vantage point.  (Motivation. To satisfy need but by an evil deed. Will she or won’t she. Just great!)

“Okay, here we go. FIRE INSIDE A THEATER! FIRE INSIDE A THEATER!”  (Change and resolution. She fails to maintain her resistance to evil. A very nice and significant point of characterization accomplished with a few words. Effective plotting.)

(3)

Annelise had not eaten for two days. She was desperately looking for a job but nobody would hire her because she looked exhausted and disheveled.

She found a piece of cardboard and wrote on it “Will work for food.” (Motivation.) She held the sign at the busiest intersection in town. Nobody stopped. She felt entirely invisible.  (Yes. She wants work. No one responds. She feels bad.)

A car hit Annelise. (This is fatalism of sorts. Fatalism, although often useful and necessary, frequently erases action driven by the character and therefore the opportunity for characterization. Easily solved. It could be an opportunity for Annelise to contribute to her demise, either by a personality trait or by an action to satisfy her needs. For example, could she be hit by the car when trying to get to someone who is ignoring her so that that person recognizes she exists? Or could she have thought someone waved to her from another car and she ran to respond, mistakenly thinking it was a job offer but in her excitement runs in front of the car that hits her? Note that by thinking like this you would also be taking out “telling” (a car hit Annelise)—and begin to “show” through in-scene action, almost always a plus for characterization.) As she lay dying and her consciousness began to slip away from her, she wondered if she could have some food at her own funeral.  (This seems sentimental in the fact that she now is a victim. For prose, strength of character can add to meaning in these situations. For example, could she worry as she dies that the driver of the car will feel guilty, or be punished (for hitting her) when there was no fault . . . only her need to solve her problem.)

Instructor Response

Russ. Good work. Great ideas. I’ve suggested structure to clarify story mainly. Remember, story (even within a scene) needs conflict and resolution (or non-resolution with implied something to come), beginning-middle-end, character-based plot (for literary fiction and most other genres too), and momentum.

All the best, and thanks for the submission.
Bill Coles

Portrait in Chalk: Story 1

A fourteen year old boy with a talent for drawing discovers a sixteen year old runaway girl living under his porch. Smitten at first site, helps safeguard her, bringing her blankets and food. She gets a job using a false identity. Gradually, she learns to trust him. When the authorities trace the stolen identity, he makes a dreadful mistake, giving away her secret hideout, but she had already escaped. He tries desperately, but finds her too late, seeing her for the last time in the window of a Greyhound bus as it leaves the terminal.

Neat! Some thoughts to increase tension and conflict. Could the boy accidentally give away something or do something that results in her being discovered? It would have to be innocent on his part. Is it possible the boy is related to the job she gets—his father owns a fast food joint, or the girl works as a nanny for the boy’s sister’s children . . . something like that? She gets fired. (Trying to increase the entanglement.) Rather than make the loss fatalistic in that he doesn’t get to her time under the porch, could he find her as she is packing and plead with her to stay; she argues she can’t and then tells him to get her something from his house and when he returns she is gone. Then the bus station stuff. Examples as to how to make characters and plot inseparable. You can find your own solutions that will have more impact because it’s you, the author, choosing them.

Portrait in Chalk: Story 2

A young man, once a hopeful artist, is haunted by the memory of a runaway girl whom he sheltered for several months when he was fourteen. He loved drawing her. When she left, he quit drawing. It broke his heart to remember her face.After an attempted baseball career, his life becomes aimless. One night, as he stumbles out of a bar, he remembers when he and the girl laughed at a drunken man. Disgusted with himself, he finds work with a stone mason, with whom he once held a summer job, becomes his apprentice, and eventually a master craftsman.

Tell why she left. Make it related to something he did. Your basic premise seems to be: would-be artist draws girl who captures his heart and the memory of her face and the desire to create her artistically spurs him to become a great craftsman. But it’s not enough for the story. Reader will need to know more about the girl, what about her attracted him. Where she went and why. What she thinks of him, even—mutual attraction? apathy? The scene with the drunken man seems unrelated. It does not contribute to plot or characterization. Consider the young man rediscovering the girl. She could still be lovely and fuel his feelings, but she rejects him. She could be dying. She could have a disfiguring disease. She could be mentally ill and unrecognizable as the girl he fell in love with. With something like this, he is compelled to re-create the girl he remembers in his drawings (now lost), the image he cherishes, and he becomes a stonemason to try to satisfy this need to find her again (which, I think, would have to be unsuccessful due to the nature of how such a scenario must turn out). See how conflict, character-based plotting, and a resolution to a problem are being inserted? Of course, do it your own way. And the story has momentum driving to a resolution of whether he succeeds in re-creating the girl, not on becoming a master craftsman.

Portrait in Chalk: Story 3

A middle aged woman, whose husband died suddenly, is left with a tidy insurance benefit. At first, she continues the hard but satisfying life she has known for 30 years, conducting cruises on her catamaran in Maui, but without her husband, the life is unsatisfying. One of her divers points out pictures on the internet that resemble her in a disturbingly familiar manner. She remembers the boy artist she left when she was sixteen, when she was a runaway from a dysfunctional family life. She sells the catamaran and seeks out her onetime admirer.

Consider redoing the timeline. Boy meets girl (from dysfunctional family) and provides something for her she never had. Later, woman’s husband dies. She continues the tour business (catamaran in Maui) but is not satisfied with life. (I’d reconsider the diver and the photos. They don’t seem credible or direct enough to motivate her.)  Something happens such that she remembers how the boy saved her life when she was young. She craves happiness and stability so much she cashes in her possessions and tries to find the boy. The conclusion is what she finds. (She has to find him!) She could fall in love again. She could nurse him back to health and a normal life but he resents her unwanted compassion after a lifetime of neglect. He could be happily married with five kids and unwilling to speak to her, sending her into a suicidal depression. He could be a single, wealthy banker waiting for her all these years. :-(   Make up as many options as you can, and choose the best.

Lots of possibilities. The idea is to construct the story so the problem is clear, the obstacles obvious, the choices to be made significant, the solutions many, and the resolution realistic and happy or sad without sentimentality.

Instructor Response

Nicely done!

Each story has a clear beginning, middle, and end. And you’ve expressed an emotional arc and enlightenment in each. In the stories, be sure to keep conflict in the writing and in the scenes–conflict that will relate to the overall theme and purpose of each piece.

In the next phase–you’ve got the stories down–think about developing your characters. You have the talent to conquer this stage, but spend time on this. The process can be endless, but you’ll know when you reach sufficient development in each character and where further work has less value.

Look into the soul, thoughts, and feelings of each of your protagonists and any other major characters. Develop each character through action, feelings, thoughts, and dialogue as well as narrative description (which is the least effective for the literary fiction writer and needs much broader support from other modes).

As you develop your characters, work on characteristics, thoughts, feelings that directly relate to who the character is becoming. For example the Scottish busybody. What is her core desire in life? (Don’t let it be necessarily be something you want. Make it hers.) Is it to impose her moral view on the world? To take out her frustrations at life failures by exposing others? Et cetera. (Needs much more thought.) Then live in the character for a while. What would she think about the Royals’ scandals? What does she think about sports violence at games? What does she think about global warming? (Perhaps how it will affect her garden?) Does she believe in God? What is her concept of a deity, afterlife, fatalism? What does she think is beautiful (images or sounds or thoughts or feelings that please her). Is she happy with the position of women in contemporary society? What does she think needs to be done? What are her feelings about justice? Are there injustices that inflame her? Then think about how she’d respond to situations and conflicts you observe every day. Think about the dialogue she’d use in conversation. How she’d respond to anger, pain, sorrow, happiness, ridicule, et cetera. Keep your development consistent with theme and purpose in the story that the characterization will logically support.

This entire next phase of the exercise is to encourage you to create the most dynamic, logical, credible, unique, engaging character you can. It’s what makes stories grow. Plots are secondary. It’s the characterization that grows the story and fills out the plot action . . . and contributes to your theme and purpose for the story.

You have all my encouragement. You’re great at this. Submit if you want further comment and direction on one or all three of these really good stories. I would look forward to seeing how your work develops.

All the best and Happy New Year!

Bill Coles